Off topic ATC humor...

Actual transmissions heard at the O’Hare TRACON from:

“Approach, how far from the airport are we in minutes?”
“N923, the faster you go, the quicker you’ll get here.”

“American Two-Twenty, Eneey, meeny, miney, moe, how do you hear my radio?”

“Air Wisconsin Three-Thirty-Five, caution wake turbulence, there is an Air Wisconsin Three-Forty-Five on the frequency.”

“I don’t mind altitude separation as long as they’re not on top of each other.”

“We were told Rwy 9…we’ll take out the 14R approach plate.”
“Captain you got sixty miles to take it out…have a ball.”

“The traffic at nine o’clock’s gonna do a little Linda Ronstadt on you.”
“Linda Ronstadt? What’s that?”
“Well, sir, they’re gonna ‘Blue Bayou’.”

“I can see the country club down below…look’s like a lot of controllers out there!”
“Yes, sir, there is…and they’re caddying for DC-10 drivers like you.”

“N07K you look like you’re established on the localizer and I don’t know the names of any of the fixes, you’re cleared for the ILS approach. Call the tower.”

“AmTran 726, sorry about that, Center thought you were a Midway arrival. Just sit back, relax and pass out some more cookies…we’ll get you to Milwaukee.”

“Approach, what’s our sequence?”
“Calling for the sequence I missed your callsign, but if I find out what it is, you’re last.”

“Sure you can have eight miles behind the heavy…there’ll be a United tri-jet between you and him.”

“Approach, SWA436, you want us to turn right to 090?”
“No, I want your brother to turn. Just do it and don’t argue.”

“Approach UAL525 what’s this aircraft doing at my altitude?”
“UAL525, what makes you think it’s YOUR altitude, Captain?”

“DAL1176, say speed.”
“DAL1176, we slowed it down to two-twenty.”
“DAL1176 pick it back up to two-fifty…this ain’t Atlanta, and them ain’t grits on the ground.”

“Request Runway 27 Right.”
“Approach, do you know the wind at six thousand is 270 at fifty?”
“Yeah, I do, and if we could jack the airport up to fifty-five hundred you could have that runway. Expect 14 Right.”

“Air Force Four-Five, it appears your engine has…oh, disregard…I see you’ve already ejected.”

“The first officer says he’s got you in sight.”
“Roger, the first officer’s cleared for a visual approach runway 27 Right…you continue on that 180 heading and descend to three thousand.”

“Hey, O’Hare, you see the 7600 code flashing five northwest of Gary?”
“Yeah, I do…you guys talkin’ to him?”

“Approach, what’s the tower?”
“That’s a big tall building with glass all around it, but that’s not important right now.”

“How far behind traffic are we?”
“Three miles.”
“That doesn’t look like three miles to us!”
“You’re a mile and a half from him, he’s a mile and a half from you…that’s three miles.”

And my favorite[:D][:D]

“Leave five on the glide, have a nice ride, tower inside, twenty-six nine…see ya.”

Gotta love that kind of tight phraseology!!!

Here’s one I used yesterday - not as good as “Leave five on the glide…”, but it’s MINE:
Patuxent Approach: One Mike Romeo, contact Dover Approach on one three two point four two.
N1MR: Over to Dover on Thirty-Two Forty-Two.

  • Mike.